The Quiet One

What are some characteristics that you think define you and write about them.

So all my life I’ve been known as the quiet one.Although, my mom told me that when I was in first grade before I was held back I was spunky.She said I wasn’t shy at all.I guess that is how most of us are as kids and then something happens that changes us.My mom told me that my first-grade teacher was super mean and strict and only had eyes for the smart ones.I apparently was a slow learner when it came to reading and apparently, this teacher made a big deal out of it. So much so that they held my sister and me back.I sometimes wonder if this is where my quietness began.I wonder if that teacher made me feel so small that I shut down.I don’t remember anything of that year. The only thing I remember is sitting on a park bench feeling super sad with another girl who I think was my friend at the time.I wish I could go back to that time and figure out what really happened.What triggered my quietness?

“The way we think about ourselves is sometimes our weakness. We are stronger than we think.”

I also know that growing up we spent a lot of summers at my grandma's house which was always filled with people. Aunts, Uncles, cousins. There were always at least five people in the kitchen at all times that I can remember. I remember it being so loud and words being used that we were not allowed to use just rolling off their tongues. I remember yelling and arguing. I remember always going into the living room and watching TV because then I could get away from it. I think that is where my love for TV began. I could go into another world. Into a world that was perfect and filled with love and laughter. I was watching shows like Full House and Growing Pains and wishing I could be a part of their family while I was there.

I remember one day in middle school I woke up from a dream that felt so real that I wanted to continue it so that’s what I did. I went into this other world where I was a completely different person and I played out these scenarios where I was the one that got the boy, I was one that got the amazing job. I lived in this world for a very long time. I know now that this was not healthy. Whenever I was stressed, sad, or angry I knew I could go into this other world, and life would be great again. I knew in this world it was all about me. I could be selfish in this world. I could be amazing in this world. In this world, I was an amazing wedding photographer who lived in California and who ended up falling in love with a famous baseball player. That was just one of the scenarios, I had thousands! I would play out everything in my head from how he would meet, date,z how he would propose to how we took care of our kiddos. I loved this world. It was during this time that my love for writing began. I would write silly stories and screenplays that I would make my friends play out. They humored me! LOL

I wonder if that is why God gave me such a vivid imagination. I wonder if this is what he wanted to me do all along.

What’s sad about this is when I was about twenty-six or twenty-seven years old is when I decided I needed to get out of this fantasy world and start figuring out my real world. It was really hard to not go into that dream world. I realize now that is why I love writing so much. I love being in that fantasy world. I love playing out scenarios over and over again until I get them right. When I finally stopped having these fantasies I found my true love. I think I built up these dream guys in my head that no one in real life could live up to.