Letting Go and Trusting God
"Using your talent for love will make it a rewarding one. You may never be the artist, but you may be the inspiration for the painting." Day's End, Champion for Grace
There are times in our lives when we really let go and trust God. I have a few instances in my life where I truly let God take control and it was in the times where I was the happiest I’ve ever been.
When I went to Hallmark Institute of Photography eighteen hours away from my family and friends. It was the scariest and most exciting time! I met incredible people and learned so much about myself. I learned I can break out of my shell and get things done. Looking back now I see that I was super insecure and let fear take over a lot, and because of that I know I missed out on incredible moments. I was twenty-four and I didn’t know then, but this was the first step in breaking free.
When I said yes to the man of my dreams. At that moment, I was trusting God that he brought me this incredible man and he was the right one. It was the first time I’d ever had a vision and knew God was telling me he was the one. Looking back on ten years ago when I said yes, I had no idea what the future held, but was trusting. God has led us and helped us through some trying times and some incredible joyful times. It’s been incredible to see the difference in both of us and how our marriage has grown so much.
Quitting my job. This one is the most current and scariest thing I’ve ever done. I knew for a little over a year now that God was telling me to let go and trust him. He knew how my job was crippling me and I think he wanted me to show him how I could trust him. I think he wanted me to take this leap of action but had no idea what the future held. When I sent that letter of resignation, it was like this feeling of anxiety and fear was lifted. I felt freedom for the first time ever. Yes, it was scary, but having that feeling of fully trusting in God was a great feeling. It was like for the first time ever I really let go. My job was my security blanket. It had all the things you wanted. Vacation time, benefits, salary, and security. It was my safety net and I was holding onto it for so long because it was what I thought I had to do. But when I let go, it has been incredible to watch God work in our lives. Oh, it hasn’t been an easy road, but it’s been a fun rollercoaster. Two weeks after I quit, my book was launched into the world and this time that I’ve had to invest in it is something I wouldn’t have had if I was still there. I got to enjoy many of the moments with Grayson. His first day of school without having to rush back to work. I haven’t missed a cross country meet because I had to work till six. I know God has a great job out there for me and I’m still scared of getting a job that will bring me back to where I was, but I am determined that I will not let that happen. I know those feelings now and I know now that it is okay to say this isn’t for me and move on to the next adventure. Life is way too short to be unhappy and I wish I would have realized this sooner. As I just wrote that, I’m glad I didn’t do it sooner because this time was the right time. This time was where God wanted me to be. He is watching over us and is guiding these paths. Our marriage has been so strong over these past few months.
Choose the people in your life that you know will encourage you. When you tell them you quit your job and they ask you what’s next and you say “I have no clue,” and their response is, “That’s awesome!” That’s when you know you are surrounded by the right people. The ones who send you job openings that they think you would love, friends who help you with your resume, and friends who ask how are you doing really. Those are the people you want in your life. If you don’t have them, go find them or become that friend. I’m starting to realize that I need to let more people in. I’m also realizing that through all this I am prideful. It has been so hard to ask for help. This was shocking to me. I didn’t think the word pride and me go together, but yep they do. Jason is constantly reminding me that I need to ask for help and reach out to connect. He’s been using this word called networking. I really am not a fan of this word because I am so bad at it. I hate small talk, especially that small talk is about me. I don’t want to talk about myself and in the world of networking, that is what you have to do. But I am determined to get better at this.
I have also realized that job hunting is not for the faint of heart. It’s a brutal world out there filled with rejection letters. I don’t like that word either, but I have a choice when those emails come in. I could take them to heart or I could thank God that he shut that door that wasn’t right for me. This is hard. Right now, though, I'm leaning into trusting God. There are days like this morning when I wanted to stay under the covers and pretend the real world isn’t out there. So instead, I woke up, made myself a cup of coffee, and decided I needed to write. Writing has been a great outlet for me during this time. That and going for walks and really listening to my heart. When I am on those walks with worship or country music playing in my head and listening, I’m surprised by the creativity that is in my head. When I really let my creative juices flow, it’s so fun. God really has placed an artist in my heart and seeing her come to life is magical. Tears are coming as I write that because I think I’m realizing that for the first time. An artist. Yep, that’s me! God has given me this incredible talent and as an amazing woman wrote in her book, “Without this hard work, a natural ability is nothing more than a gift that remains unopened.” I think it’s time for me to open this gift and see where it leads.
I could not love this any more! It’s so hard to trust God sometimes but it’s in those moments that we tend to draw closest to him. Prayers for you that you keep using your gifts and talents, trusting in Jesus, and building relationships.