Making Strides

I wrote this one a few weeks ago, but I thought it might help someone who feels the same way I do sometimes.

Just when I think I am making strides, bam this morning I wake up and have that same thought that always pops into my head when I’m feeling like crap.  The thought that says, “You really are an ugly piece of shit.”  Does anyone else think this dark or is it just me?

Man, I wish I could tell you this wasn’t my truth, but it is.  I really thought I was doing better and then bam, woke up with this thought. The difference is, I know it’s a complete lie. Yes, I still feel pretty crappy right now. It’s only 7:30 a.m. and I’ve only been up for an hour and a half so far.  Instead of sinking into the feeling I’m writing about it.  I’m writing about how I know it’s a lie.  That’s what I want more people to do.  I want you to realize these lies that pop into our heads are just lies. I want you to realize the truth of who you really are.  These lies don’t have to stay there. You can wipe them away with only one positive thought, even if that positive thought you don’t believe in the moment, keep repeating it over and over again until you do.  That is what I did this morning. I just kept reminding myself that what I was telling myself was not true.  I replaced those thoughts with what God says about me.  I am beautiful and wonderfully made. I am a sinner saved by Grace.  I am loved.  I am cherished. 

Well, this worked until about 2 p.m.  I took my kiddo to school and went to the gym, then headed to the grocery store, but when I came home, I looked around my house and saw all my failures and then the lies came crashing in along with the tears.  I hate that I have this same cycle. I know deep in my heart that I am so much further than I was a year ago and I’m getting stronger, but on days like today when I wanted to crawl back into bed and cry, I wonder if I really have grown.  I wonder if I will ever wake up and see how amazing I really am. I know satan is using this weakness to keep me from something. I don’t know what that is, but I know God really does have a purpose for me and I will not let this keep me from whatever that promise is!!  Today, I might check off as a loss, but I know tomorrow morning I will wake up stronger. 

I know I am not alone with these thoughts and that breaks my heart. I pray for any woman who woke up this morning feeling like crap.  I pray that as the day moves on you realize the lies and fall back onto the truths.  It’s okay to let the tears flow and feel the feelings, but to know deep down in your heart they are just lies. We have these feelings for a reason, we are growing and the old version of us is scared.  The old version wants to stay comfortable.  Comfortable feels good.  But remember the old version of yourself wasn’t growing.  This new version of yourself is getting stronger and this is where you want to be.  If you are uncomfortable, that means you are moving in the right direction. 

Jesus never wanted us to stay comfortable.  He was always moving, teaching, and loving others.  He knew his time was short and he wanted to take full advantage of every moment.  Did he still take naps and rest?  Yep, ask the disciples when the storm came.  Did he take time for himself?  Yep!  He often took time to be by himself to pray.  God wants us to use every moment. If you are resting that’s because you need it.  If you are taking time for yourself, he gets it. He knows that as women we need that time.  That’s why he created bubble baths. 😊 

So, I guess what I’m saying is it’s okay to struggle and feel all the feelings, but God wants us to get back up.  He wants us to get stronger because of our tears.  He loves us so much even if we feel like failures and don’t see him.  He is there tapping us on the shoulder letting us know he’s got us! 

Always Smile,

Michelle